Markie went down for his nap and I snuck outside for some sketch journaling and ed sheeran.

my skin had a bad reaction last night and this morning I woke up with what looked like third-degree burns all along my jawline.  the worst part about being on three medications for my skin is that none of them are working; for someone who’s already too critical of appearance, this is an absolute blow to my already-nonexistent self-confidence.

and I can’t help but add this stress on top of my bills that are getting to be too much for me, late payments that I keep putting off because I’m scared of what the fines are up to now, my grandpa’s death and upcoming funeral this weekend, grad school application deadlines that I’ve been ignoring… it’s hard.  every morning is a struggle to not stay in bed and forget my responsibilities and just cry.

so today I am extra thankful for sunshine and naptimes, because it’s a small reminder that some things in life are still good.

Markie went down for his nap and I snuck outside for some sketch journaling and ed sheeran.

my skin had a bad reaction last night and this morning I woke up with what looked like third-degree burns all along my jawline. the worst part about being on three medications for my skin is that none of them are working; for someone who’s already too critical of appearance, this is an absolute blow to my already-nonexistent self-confidence.

and I can’t help but add this stress on top of my bills that are getting to be too much for me, late payments that I keep putting off because I’m scared of what the fines are up to now, my grandpa’s death and upcoming funeral this weekend, grad school application deadlines that I’ve been ignoring… it’s hard. every morning is a struggle to not stay in bed and forget my responsibilities and just cry.

so today I am extra thankful for sunshine and naptimes, because it’s a small reminder that some things in life are still good.

"

I. the candy machine at Super One broke, and I secretly filled my pocket with M&Ms. I was five years old when I understood what guilt felt like.

II. we lined up outside the nurse’s office, waiting to be measured and weighed. I sucked in my stomach in hopes of shrinking the number on the scale. I was in second grade.

III. in fourth grade, I started giving away my chocolate chip cookies at lunch. I didn’t think I needed them, and I wanted the other kids to like me.

"
"disorders don’t happen overnight"
A message from Anonymous
hi tessa I was just wondering how you got started with lifting. did you just jump right in there? was it intimidating at first? I'm nervous to go to the gym because I know nothing about proper form! thanks! you're progress and hard work with everything is so inspiring!

hello!  you are so sweet, thank you soooo much.

the first introduction I had with strength training was with P90X years ago, and because I was familiar with those exercises, I felt more comfortable going in to the gym as long as I had a plan beforehand.  but it still took until my senior year in college to really feel comfortable in the weight room! there’s no way around it, the gym is intimidating until you get in there enough and really feel comfortable with your surroundings.

three suggestions:

  • make an awesome playlist full of music that makes you feel happy.  like the kind of playlist you just can’t wait to put your headphones on and listen to.
  • convince yourself you are the most badass of all badasses.  pretend if you have to, but confidence - and it can be fake confidence - is absolutely key.
  • be friendly to people in the gym.  if you go at a consistent time each day/week, you’ll start to recognize other gym-goers and then you can do the mutual hey-I-know-you-but-not-really head nod every time you see each other.

as for proper form, I didn’t learn until I started training with people who already knew.  the internet is sometimes pretty unreliable when it comes to lifting and it’s so easy to injure yourself by going too heavy with improper technique, so I would suggest to first focus on getting comfortable with your surroundings; the weight machines are actually pretty straightforward, as are free weights for simple things like curls.  

it’s totally normal to be nervous, but you don’t have to have a pre-existing lifting background to be in the weight room.  and questions are a-okay and probably definitely encouraged!; seriously I would feel honored if somebody asked me for help with a lift or a machine in the gym.  just get in there and do what makes you feel good! :)

pulled my favorite vest out yesterday and now it’s already too warm for the heated seats in my car 😩

pulled my favorite vest out yesterday and now it’s already too warm for the heated seats in my car 😩

feeling absolutely enormous today, oh yay I love this feeling

she woke me up at 5AM and then again at 7 but I can’t complain when the first face I see in the morning is this.

she woke me up at 5AM and then again at 7 but I can’t complain when the first face I see in the morning is this.

A message from Anonymous
6 or 7 people. It's important to know.

I was really hoping I’d be one of a kind 😒

WE HAVE HAD A SUCCESSFUL DAY SO FAR.

the only way I could get him buckled up in the car was to pretend we were going on a trip to Scotland, let him pack a suitcase, put said suitcase in car, and drive off to the “airport” (which mysteriously turned into the train museum, how convenient).  wow three year olds are challenging.

WE HAVE HAD A SUCCESSFUL DAY SO FAR.

the only way I could get him buckled up in the car was to pretend we were going on a trip to Scotland, let him pack a suitcase, put said suitcase in car, and drive off to the “airport” (which mysteriously turned into the train museum, how convenient). wow three year olds are challenging.

A message from Anonymous
After intense research and extreme family tree searching, I did indeed find out that poop and brownies are second cousins. So, yes, they are related.

I really want to know how many other people you sent this same message to

if you send me a text or leave me a voicemail, there’s about a two percent chance I’ll respond in a timely manner because I’ve been sucking at continuing conversations for the past 22 years or so now

it’s love

it’s love

A message from Anonymous
No hate but if you don't have time or energy to do things then stop committing to do them?

yay rent and car payments and insurance and groceries and gas! yay being an independent adult! yay having to work multiple jobs whether I like it or not in order to pay the bills ! ! !

(that. that’s why.)

can we just talk about how I’m straight nannying for three different families from 8:30AM tomorrow morning until 11 the next day

little baby delts & traps are starting to come in!

it’s been a little more than three months since I was given the opportunity to start heavy weight training and powerlifting, and I can’t turn back.  there hasn’t been a single workout I’ve wanted to skip; I don’t want to stop learning and growing and getting better and stronger and faster.  

our bodies are absolutely freaking amazing and I can’t get enough of expanding my potential.

little baby delts & traps are starting to come in!

it’s been a little more than three months since I was given the opportunity to start heavy weight training and powerlifting, and I can’t turn back. there hasn’t been a single workout I’ve wanted to skip; I don’t want to stop learning and growing and getting better and stronger and faster.

our bodies are absolutely freaking amazing and I can’t get enough of expanding my potential.