A message from delicious--ambiguityy
“sometimes recovery doesn’t mean more treatment more therapy more medication ...” did you write this post? I read it and it hit me hard. It's beautiful!

hello, little stardust!

yes, I did write that and it makes me so happy to hear that it resonates with you; in all honesty, I’m a little overwhelmed by the amount of notes my little bit of scribbling has gotten. I didn’t see that coming at all. I wrote it after visiting one of my best friends in the hospital, who was placed in an eating disorder unit after suicidal ideations; she and I have found ourselves caught in the same kind of mind sets, and this particular thought was heavy on my mind after leaving her at the hospital.

thank you so much :)

{{ for those who want to read my poem “i am waiting”, you can find it under my words and writings link on my page }}

of course the one date I get in my entire life would be with someone I’m wildly attracted to but will never ever see again

light brings color
and
color carries hope

I will feel color, I will feel hope

light brings color
and
color carries hope

I will feel color, I will feel hope

four years alongside these two, I think we’ve brought more sass to the percussion studio than the entire conservatory knew how to handle

four years alongside these two, I think we’ve brought more sass to the percussion studio than the entire conservatory knew how to handle

wine and friends and late night conversations. this is high on the list of things that are good for me.

yes this was my bio in a conservatory solo performance

yes this was my bio in a conservatory solo performance

continually amazed by how a child so young can teach you so much about life

continually amazed by how a child so young can teach you so much about life

A message from Anonymous
what kind of eating disorder do you have and how long have you been in recovery?

hey munch, I guess I never realized that I don’t really have my ed story on here! I’ll try to sum it up as best I can for you:

long story short, I’ve been all over the charts. it began several years ago with restricting that soon led to being diagnosed with anorexia. then that moved toward bingeing, which led to both over-exercising and then eventually purging. this past summer I was ~officially~ diagnosed with atypical anorexia with bulimic tendencies, whatever that means. I haven’t purged in months now, but the restricting has been a bit more difficult to get a handle on.

as for how long I’ve been in recovery, I guess I don’t really have an adequate answer for that… in high school I was forced to become weight-restored, but the psychological side was never addressed because my parents believed I was starving myself out of complete pride and selfishness. I first entered a treatment program last summer, and I think that’s when I first really decided to give recovery a chance.

I still have to choose every single day, every single hour, to choose recovery and to choose myself. and some days I just don’t. but it’s a process and I’m in a much better place now than I have been before.

just another day of convincing yet another stranger to read Divergent with the tagline “MY FRIEND’S SISTER WROTE IT”.

rainy city night

rainy city night

okay my little peaches, I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you about my little tinder date adventure last night… I would put this under a ‘read more’ but my computer is still out of commission and I’m writing this up on my phone. so sorry. please don’t judge me too harshly.

(everything about last night sounds about as dangerous and stupid as it gets, but I’m home now and safe and happy so just keep that in mind. okay continuing on…)

I took the 8:57 train to the city last night after a performance so I didn’t get into Chicago until almost 10, but I agreed to meet Lukas at his hotel (he’s not from here, whoooops hehe). apparently the Chicago Hilton is huge and fancy and we met at the hotel bar where he bought me a glass of wine and we sat and talked for a while. he’s Austrian aka gorgeous and had a super attractive accent and I basically was melting the whole time. you know, typical.

(at this moment I’m going to beg you not to judge me too harshly, though I’d probably judge myself sooooo… yes)

after a while Lukas pulled his chair in closer to mine and started stroking my leg, to which I stopped mid-sentence and said “well I’m distracted now”. so he took me upstairs to any empty corridor and we made out. maybe not my best move to wear a sundress because his hands were alllllll over me, but then again maybe it was a good move. hehehe whoops. oh well.

I told him I had to leave by 12:20 to catch my train and unfortunately that time came waayyyyy too early, but he walked with me a few blocks before saying goodbye. and ummm he was pretty bold with me in public right before we parted but hey, I didn’t mind.

I’ll likely never see him again since he’s moving back to Vienna in a month, but I really really enjoyed meeting him PLUS I just might have the best first kiss story ever soooo there you have it.

I missed the last train home by about three seconds, but then some completely wasted guy paid my $100 cab fare home soooooo

squaturday

squaturday

morning conversations

morning conversations

you guys, I’m crossing off something called meet-a-guy-off-tinder from my bucketlist tomorrow and this has the potential to be the most dangerous position I’ve ever put myself in but at this point I don’t even care wheeeeeeee